The World Is Starting To Scare Me Edition

It just seems the world is getting weirder. Sure its been pretty weird at other times- Hitler, Pol Pot, KC and the Sunshine Band- but it just seems like there's a higher percentage of weirdness (I guess per capita weirdness) going on. My own local weirdness is my wonderful wife who is now obsessed with food. Of course I expected a pregnant woman to have peculiar issues with food, but I never expected her to lunge at the toaster, knife in one hand, strawberry jam in the other...a weird gleam in her eye, a manic expression on her face. For a second I was sure the next few minutes would involve me barricading myself in the bathroom, her, axe-wielding, like Nicholson in The Shining coming at me..."Heeeeere's Shelley!!!" Luckily for me, I have a background in sports and my reflexes are such that I anticpate physical confrontations- and with her bad hip I can out run her. So as she sat there in the blue living room chair, huffing back a half a loaf of toast, jelly on the corners of her mouth, looking like she stepped out of Lord of the Flies...I knew the true meaning love. Love means staying even though you fear your pregnant wife will run out of food and turn to cannibalism. The other weirdness I've encountered with pregnant women and food is that my wife sat for 3 hours looking through her recipe box, reading each and every recipe and, frankly on several occasions moaning in ecstasy. It was then that I realized there is such a thing as recipe porn. I am so afraid of her increased hunger that I've taken to sleeping downstairs in the basement figuring that if she gets ravenous in the middle of the night she has to get out of bed to find food rather than just rolling over and taking a bite out of me. Plus, this way, she'll likely go through both dogs before she gets to me and one would figure to hear a yelp or two which would startle me awake and I can protect myself with a 4-iron, sofa cushions, several canned goods and if all else fails I can hide in the dryer. So while I balance out my life of living with a wolverine and going to school full time, its been rather challenging. It's spring now, technically. Before I get my hopes up too much it's important I think to remember that its spring in the Antarctic too at some point, so it's really a matter of semantics. There's still snow falling here, snow frozen on the ground, snow heaped on the sidewalk, in the driveway, in the backyard trash can that lost its lid in November and now has the largest block of ice I've ever seen inside. Still spring is coming...I heard some birds singing yesterday (of course for all I know they were complaining about the snow too rather than singing a happy song). We took the dogs to the park on Saturday which turned out horrible because it was a muddy swamp. Dixie clearly ran to high ground! Well I hope you've enjoyed this mid-week edition of the TGIF. I might do this a bit more frequently...or not. I'm also thinking about taking questions again about politics or history since I enjoyed that so much in the past, so if you have any send them along. Cheers