The April Fools That Almost Was Edition

As anyone who knows me well can attest...I like a good joke. Some will say I *AM* a good joke, or a bad one God played on the world years ago...but let's leave my parents and their insults out of this. No I do love a good joke. Especially when they are well played and of course at someone else's expense. You know what I say, "If you can't make fun of yourself...make fun of other people" (It's my *way*) Dating back to last year I began formulating a wang-doodler of an April Fools joke. You can't wait until the last minute to pull your prank...just look at the 2000 election! No. Great fool playing takes months, even years to be successful...see the 2004 election!!! Anyway, I had decided that my vict...er, "jokee" would be my father-in-law (who is now reading this and writing me out of the will...sorry, Dad) See I figure of everyone in the world he, above all others would really appreciate a good prank (is the sucking up working??) Such a wise and intelligent person as he, would see the care and love put into the prank and therefore feel the level of respect that one must have to play such a great joke on another (okay I think I've carried the sucking up too far haven't I?) So the joke was going to be this...I was going to convince my father-in-law that my wife after working on her current show, and given its subject matter, had decided that we were going to move to Florida to go to Clown College!!! This was pure genius because it followed all the great points that a true April Fool prank needed: Rule #1- Just far-fetched enough to get the person to be disbelieving at first (this is called 'baiting the hook') but then sickeningly real when the 'joker' plays it completely straight ('reeling in the fish') Rule #2- A "somewhat" plausible idea. I mean if I said she wanted to be a LION TAMER then clearly the ruse would crumble because as everyone knows my wife is afraid of lions...or that could be me. I get confused. The point is that while strange, Clown College is SOMETHING she could be good at. You should see her in floopy shoes and wielding a seltzer bottle...it's frightening...frighteningly FUNNY!!! At this point I break in to remark the obvious...that merely being married to me is, in itself, a daily session of Clown College, but I digress... Rule #3- Good acting on the part of the joker (this is where my skills on the stage come in handy...who can forget my starring role in the Point O' View Elementary production of The Emperor Has No Clothes?!?!) Rule #4- Hmmm...how to broach this one...the uh..."gullibility" of the jokee. (see I'm screwed again with the will thing) Finally, Rule #5- Props and here is where my plan derailed. See I was going to contact the Ringling Bros Clown College in Tampa and get information and brochures and application materials. I was going to make this look as legit as possible (and full disclosure...when I brought up the topic initially with my wife she did not, repeat NOT, try and talk me out this gag...though she 'might' have been asleep in the car when I told her about it...but I think she was on board and just merely maintaining "plausible deniability") Well, as it turns out...R&B closed down the Clown College several years ago in 1997 (which by the way is the same year Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz helped found the Republican thinktank, Project for the New American Century...hmmm clown training-ground closes down, neo-cons form policy group...coincidence? you decide.) Anyway, long story short...I couldn't get props for the joke. And if there's one thing I learned from the genius that is Carrot Top...there's just no 'funny' without a good prop in your hand. So I gave up my brilliant plan to fool my down-to-Earth, work ethic father-in-law that the apple of his eye had lost her freakin' mind and decided to join the circus!!! The universe had conspired to crush my grand design. But...as it turned out it was all for the best. He probably would have NEVER believed the story once Shelley got pregnant. So instead of hours and hours of hilarity that would have ensued from my big April Fools joke, I'm going to be a Dad instead... Which is probably God's ultimate April Fools prank on ME! Thanks, God! I'm writing you out of the will!!!! Cheers