The Anger Management Edition

[All quotes courtesy of The Simpsons] "Now for my favorite part of the show...what's that say?? Talk to the Audience...Oh God, this is always death" - Krusty Life sure gets interesting sometimes...and then there are weeks like these. The mostly boring kind. Well boring isn't quite the word...slow torturous death...okay THAT'S the word..(s) I don't think I've had anything remotely interesting to say to anyone. Sure they ask about the baby and about Shelley...I have a short selection of pat answers which I've memorized so that I can answer them in my sleep...because for the most part when people are talking to me I'm *actually* asleep- all my time spent in the Himalayans with meditative sherpas taught me how to pretend to be cognitive while in reality living in a restive 'dream-like' state of unawaredness...much like President Bush. "Oh yeah if I didn't have inner peace I'd completely go psycho on all you guys all the time" - Carl Still, there are times when I *do* hear things people say and, assuming the drugs haven't kicked in, am fully capable of unleashing the fury of my sharpened wit...usually consisting of "oh yeah...well..." before then trailing off in a glassy-eyed haze, drooling on my shirt as the drugs DO finally take hold. "I don't get mad...I get stabby" - Fat Tony So this week...on of the more 'lucid' periods for me...I've just found myself angry at lots of things. I'm angry that President Bush finds it within himself to search high and low (but clearly mostly low) for a Supreme Court Justice, only to settle on...wait for it...his personal attorney. But it wasn't patronage...oh heavens no. Patronage went out with bullying congressional power-brokers who use fund-raising and arm-twisting as a means to consolidate their powe...oh wait...Tom DeLay..yeah, nevermind. The fact that the President appointed a lifetime position on the highest court in the land to someone with as much judicial experience as Dobie Gillis (I threw that reference in for the older folks...I'm trying to skew older)...is just absurd. In other words...Lucy, you got some splainin' to do "The Good Lord lets us grow old for a reason - to gain the wisdom to find faults in everything he's made" - Grandpa Simpson As I get older, I get angrier. I think it has something to do with tighter pants. But it might also have something to do with seeing things from different perspectives. Because sometimes trying to see things from 'crazy nut job guy's perspective makes my brain hurt. And he's out there you know. Crazy Nut Job Guy is all around you...usually blaming Bill Clinton for everything since the fall of Rome. "Well I'm better than dirt...well...most kinds of dirt...not that fancy store bought dirt...that stuff's loaded with nutrients...I...I can't compete with that stuff" - Moe Here in our little country town we had a guy...probably a CNJG...who robbed the corner store on our street...not once, but twice...in the same day. The police caught him and then...apparently decided, according to the report, that pressing charges would not be in the best interest of the city. I guess 'best interests' don't include putting people in jail who rob people of money at knife-point...twice. And what did this gesture of compassionate restraint get us?? 8 days later (I pause while you chew on the time span) another CNJG robs the same store. Though this guy at least had the decency to wear a mask (er, actually a neckerchief...like he's freakin' Jesse James). So they caught this guy and we're hoping that they put HIM behind bars...if for nothing else at least for dressing up like a cowboy. "A Mounds Bar is not a sprinkle...a Twizzler is not a sprinkler...a Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkler, sir...perhaps in Shangri-La they are but not here" - Apu But Crazy Nut Job Guy isn't always the guy robbing the store. Sometimes he's merely shopping there, arguing with the guy behind the counter because the sale on pretzles expired the day before, but he wants his pretzles for the 35 cent discounted price. While the rest of us have to sit and listen to this mook harrass the poor unfortunate sales dude when all we want to do is pay for our overpriced gas and go to the park. But no, we've got to wait, while he demands everything short of Superman flying around the Earth backwards and altering the space-time continuum so he can save 35 freaking cents. Look pal, I'll forgo my weekly Pez allowance and GIVE YOU the .35 if you'll just shut up and leave already. So clearly you can see the sort of week I've had. Right? "In THIS house we obey the laws of thermodynamics" - Homer Well tonight I fell down the stairs in the basement. Well I actually *fell* down half the stairs...I slid down the rest of them...rather slowly actually...eerily slow...as if I was meant to pause on each stair and observe the various parts of my anatomy being subjected to painful bruising..."oh look...that was my right knee scraping the 4th stair...I bet that will look lovely when the lights come back on and those little birdies stop singing and flying around my head" But it wasn't all crazy pretzel dudes and masked bandits and Buster Keaton stunts. Nope we also had some fun, and here I have photographic evidence of said fun. Sunday James and AJ came over, with their little boy and we all walked down to the park. As you can tell Gracie was very excited to go to the park...that's her 'excited' sleep...which I know is very difficult to discern from her 'bored' sleep...but it takes a father to know these subtleties. SEE!!!! THAT'S 'bored' sleeping...it's soooooooo clear. Anyway, just so you know it isn't all sleeping, and to quell the possible fears that we keep her drugged, here's a picture of her awake. Okay? So put down the phone already...she is actually alive. Here she's introducing her newest friend, Minor the Monkey, to the rest of her stuffed pals... Okay, well here she is sleeping again, but really she IS awake a fair bit of time...trust me. We also had a chance to go to Shelley's studio on Tuesday and see a bunch of friends, many of whom threw us aside in a bid to take to baby from us and never give her back... Like Auntie Lal... Auntie Morghan... Auntie Angie...(where Gracie played a brilliant Blanche from Streetcar... Auntie Jessica...where Gracie potrayed Charles Laughton from Mutiny on the Bounty!...she's so talented my little girl Uncle Alex...where she shows Alex she can also do comedy and a perfect Dr. Evil from Austin Powers... but you get the idea, this went on for hours people...HOURS...and no makeup or wardrobe changes...seamless. But alas by the end of the day, the sun going down, it was time to wave goodbye to the wonderful peeps at Cuppa and make haste to see Auntie Jen at the University (where we also ran into Auntie Elise who ran away, literally, before I could snap her photo)...but Auntie Jen...yay! So see the week wasn't a total loss. This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada and of course I have loads to be grateful for...all of the people pictured above, my family, and the 4 girls at home Dixie, Willow, Gracie and Shell. Cheers