I Thought You Meant RaSPEWtin

Last night I'm sitting in my Imperial Russia class when another coughing fit hits me. There are many levels and this was Defcon 2 meaning I almost threw up. Everyone looked at me as if I have the plague. I'm so desperately glad that I didn't throw up in front of everyone, but I'm even MORE glad that I didn't because if I had I would have unfortunately spewed all over the 'cute girl' that sits in front of me.

And where do you go from there really?

"Hi, sorry I threw up all over you...can I borrow your notes on Rasputin?"

Just doesn't cut it does it?

I mean you might (MIGHT!) get away with vomiting in someone's car...but you'd better have damn good reason like West Nile Virus, or a night of shooting Jagermeister...but even then you're likely to be held at arms (or at least projectile vomit) length for a good long time- and that's with A FRIEND!!!!

So I grabbed my bag and books and ran out of class, giving my prof the knowing look that I had to leave because I was coughing up a lung. I'd warned her at the beginning of the semester that I've been fighting this virus for a while so it might happen.

I go downstairs and quickly call Shelley, who has the car and is visiting her brother. I tell her to come pick me up because of what happened, and then I go into the bathroom to throw some water on my face so I don't look like Val Kilmer in his last seen in Tombstone.

This is when yet another faux pas occurs...I really hate myself sometimes...anyway...

I'm washing my hands and the paper towels are in one of those round dispensers where you tug on the bottom and the papers come out, one at a time...and not with east mind you. There's a guy standing at the sink next to me washing his hands too. I reach up and tug on the paper towels and what I swear is like a gallon of water comes flying off my hands all over him.

There are severe rules for behavior in the men's bathroom.

Rule number one is: NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE ANOTHER PERSON

This is vital and is why it is rule number one. If you refuse to acknowledge another person is in the bathroom, then you don't have to think about what anyone is doing, or, frankly...handling.

It's just how we are. That's why we don't go in groups like. It's not something we SHARE okay??

So of course he did not acknowledge that I'd just dumped a bucket of water on him.
Neither did I.
Though my ego was in tatters, the rules remained unbroken.

I have no clever end for this story, so much like my heroes in Monty Python, I'll just let you imagine a knight in shining armor whacking me over the head with a chicken

The End